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the giant in the closet

October 4, 2007

Last night at our small group we started a study on David, beginning with his encounter with Goliath. The question was asked “What is the giant in your life?” At first, I couldn’t really think of anything. I went through all the big ones – money, addictions, relationship problems…nope, none here. As I listened to the other members of our group I realized that my giant isn’t hovering in my face. My giant is very quietly taunting me from the closet.

I have a persistent fear for the future of my family. From a human perspective, the odds are really stacked against us. My husband and I come from shattered families. Between our parents alone there have been six divorces. If you count siblings, you add three more divorces and countless failed relationships. In the lives of the children that have resulted from all these marriages, you’ll find everything from premarital sex and abandoned faith to drug addictions and jail.

As the youngest of five children, I have had a front row seat for all the catastrophes in my family. I’ve always blamed all their problems on bad choices. I’ve always assumed that if I could just make the right choices for my family, we would be okay. But then a couple years ago, the only successful marriage in my family disintegrated, after 20 years of “doing it right”. At that point I knew that our family was destined for failure.

But last night, we started talking about what David had that made him able to defeat Goliath. He was just a boy, small and inexperienced in battle. David went into that fight with full confidence in God, not in himself. God was able to defeat Goliath, despite David’s inadequacies. If I rely on myself, a flawed, weak, fallible human, our family will certainly fail. Of course I can’t do it.

But God can.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. October 4, 2007 8:33 am

    I loved the honesty of this post. I just want to encourage you… Through many years of counseling with couples I could tell you all kinds of amazing stories of what God has done to break the chains of disfunction through families! He can and wants to do the same for you! Keep your eyes on Him and remain humble, as you are… He will do great things!

  2. kermooch permalink
    October 4, 2007 11:11 am

    Coming from a family of multiple broken marriages, I can identify with the fear you expressed. It has made me very determined to succeed as a family. Like you, I am realizing that all the determination in the world won’t matter if it is not founded in God. I cannot rely on my own strength, but I must place my confidence in him and trust Him with the outcome.

    Thanks for sharing that.

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