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has it really been a year?

December 18, 2007

Sawyer is one year old today. I can’t believe that much time has passed already. His first year has been a blur and yet so much of it is crystal clear in my mind. His entry into this world was less than ideal. I wasn’t ready for him to be born. I was sick with the flu and he was 12 days overdue. The doctors were all very impatient and ready for him to be born, pestering me to be induced. I can remember sitting at the doctors office crying, begging them to let me go into labor on my own. I am a big believer in letting God decide when a baby is ready. I was determined to stand my ground, but when the doctor told me that I could be risking his life by delaying it any further, how could I refuse? So, he was born on December 18th. His pediatrician was very concerned about him catching the virus, so for the first week of his life, he didn’t see his mommy’s face without a hospital mask. It wasn’t what I planned, but we all survived.

That little baby has brought so much joy into our lives. When he sees me open his door every morning, he jumps up and down in his crib, grinning and babbling – so excited to start a new day. And at night when I carry him to bed, gently patting his back, I feel the very soft pat of his little hand on my shoulder in return.

I feel like I’ve spent this whole year trying to slow time down. Every month on the 18th I have felt a little ache in my heart, knowing that we were one month closer to this day. It isn’t that I don’t want him to grow up… I know it is necessary and good. But his life up until now has been easy, happy, and fun. Having gone through this twice already, I know what lies ahead – whining, complaining, tantrums, and discipline. Its funny how babies almost seem MORE mature than toddlers and even older children. They eat without complaint, they know when they need sleep, and they can appreciate a quiet moment of snuggling.

With all the pain that lies ahead, I know that the joy is greater. Soon he will be able to play with his brothers, and their relationships with him will blossom. Soon those little awkward baby steps will grow into a pitter patter, and they’ll join the thundering stampede that I hear coming down the steps every morning. And as his vocabulary grows, soon his little baby personality will begin to show itself and we’ll get to know the person that God made him to be.

Happy 1st Birthday Sawyer!

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