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a fish out of water

May 14, 2009

AKA… a homeschool mom in a liquor store. You’ll get it in a minute.

So, a few weeks ago I decided to try my hand at selling cakes. It has been going remarkably well so far. I don’t really know what I’m doing, but every time I feel overwhelmed, I just say a little prayer and put it all in God’s hands. I’ve been saying that prayer a lot.

I have three cakes this weekend and one of them is going to have lettering that is painted gold. Edible gold paint can apparently made by mixing gold luster dust, readily available at craft stores, with vodka, which is not so readily available at craft stores.

That brings me to today. I was out running some errands and I decided to stop by the corner package store to pick up the vodka. How hard could it be, right? I decided to leave the kids in the car while I ran in, because the only thing more inappropriate than a homeschool mom in a liquor store is a homeschool mom in a liquor store with her three small children. On the way in I noticed on the window a large poster of… well, lets just say it was a close up of part of a woman’s body being used to advertise a can of beer. All I could think was “I hope the kids can’t tell that is a person.”

I walked through the door, already a little rattled by the poster, and told the man behind the counter that I wanted the smallest, cheapest bottle of vodka that he had. He produced a little bottle that rang up for $1.68, I paid as quickly as I could, while trying really hard not to look as uncomfortable as I felt.

I headed back out the door, no more than 2 minutes after I walked in, and realized that somewhere along the way I had lost my keys. The doors were locked and the kids were inside, and I assumed that I had just left them on the seat or in the console. I motioned to my oldest to open the door from the inside and then I opened the door…

…which triggered the alarm.

I searched around the truck and found nothing. I dug frantically through my purse, trying desperately to pretend that I couldn’t hear the horn blaring, much like I pretend I can’t hear the toddler’s tantrums in the middle ofย  Wal-Mart. It wasn’t working. Then it occurred to me that I must have set my keys on the counter in the store when I was hurrying to check out. I walked back in and the man behind the counter was dangling them from his finger, like he had been in there chuckling the whole time, just waiting for me to realize what an idiot I was.

I walked out of the store a second time, this time past a toothless guy in the parking lot who quickly apologized to me for laughing. Then I drove away, thankful that no one I know spends much time at the corner package store.

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8 Comments leave one →
  1. kermooch permalink
    May 14, 2009 10:18 pm

    Lol – I know that store. I had to visit it two Christmas’s ago for a Budweiser stein for my father-in-law. I had my teenager with and suggested she close her eyes since there was a similar larger than life poster in the window. Thankfully, I didn’t leave my keys on the counter ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. May 14, 2009 10:33 pm

    That really made me LOL.

  3. May 14, 2009 11:03 pm

    LOL! But I’m thrilled with the cake business!

  4. Debby Morton permalink
    May 15, 2009 7:43 am

    That is just too funny Kendra. I am sure that nobody driving by or anything noticed your car with the horn blasting LOL.

  5. Lauren permalink
    May 17, 2009 2:52 pm

    You are so funny!!! My b-day cake will not require gold luster nor liqueur! : )

  6. heiditheophilus permalink
    May 25, 2009 9:43 am

    oh my soul, my abs hurt from laughing so hard! i had to do something similar 3 years ago for a Christmas present for an administrator at my school…that is such an awful feeling you just want to die! keep the great stories comin’! ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. Angie permalink
    October 22, 2009 6:27 am

    I am sorry but that is so funny!! =) Be Blessed, Angie B.

  8. January 8, 2012 10:45 pm

    I love your honesty and the way you write about life and the things we all do. I laughed so hard.

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